Navigating Sibling Relationships

Although often overlooked, sibling relationships are some of the most lasting of one’s life. In most family structures, siblings grow up in the same environment with similar experiences. These similarities give this relationship a unique aspect in terms of bonding. Sibling relationships both result from and create family dynamics. Therefore, these relationships have an impact on later life outcomes.

How Siblings Affect Development

Siblings affect each other’s development in many realms, including social skills and social-emotional development. However, research on birth order does not confirm many stereotypes. Research does show that positive sibling relationships will have positive impacts on development. To achieve a positive relationship, each sibling has to learn to respect each other for their similarities and differences (Psychology Today).

Research from Columbia University reveals that high-conflict sibling relationships can lead to more problematic behaviors in individuals throughout life, including criminal behavior. In addition, it is found that a positive parent-child relationship can predict a positive sibling relationship. This demonstrates the permeation of all relative relationships in constructing family dynamics (Ahn, 2019)

Siblings share many similar experiences, and that connection can strengthen their bond. With this, hardships can be seen as easier when having a deep, trustworthy, supportive relationship to help one another through life (Psychology Today).

Sibling Rivalry

According to Psychology Today, sibling rivalry is completely normal for children. However, without care, this rivalry can become detrimental to child development. Especially in the case of parents having a clear favorite child. Parents unfairly treating their children can be detected by the child at less than a year old. This can lead to many negative outcomes such as aggression between siblings, depression, and low self-esteem.

Tips for Navigating Rivalry in Sibling Relationships

NAYS.org suggests to help reduce the likelihood of a rivalry between siblings negatively affecting a child’s life: 

• Be aware of actions that may be interpreted as favoritism: Give each child attention and focus on their strengths. For example, if a parent used to play football and one of their children now plays football, but the other plays basketball, the parent might tend to converse more passionately with the football player. It is more constructive to talk to each child about their practices and why they enjoy their sport.
• Focus on encouragement on effort instead of outcome: Emphasizing effort over performance can help feelings of equality. When one child gets more praise from parents over better grades in school, the child with lower grades may become frustrated and take it out in the form of resentment of the other sibling. Comment on how you saw a child studying or how the child completed their homework on time all week to increase their focus on the work, not the grade.
• Set consistent standards and rules for behavior for all children: Setting clear rules for all children sets the tone that all expectations are the same across the board. While teasing between siblings is normal, it’s helpful for all children to know where the line is drawn. Make it clear to all children that physical violence is not tolerated in the household by anyone.