March 25, 2022 Types of Family Structures Family structures come in various shapes and sizes, but each one is just as valid as the next. Understanding family structure can better help to figure out the dynamics of relatives and how to make relationships developmentally appropriate. Common Family Types Family types have changed over the years in accordance with shifts in modern cultures’ acceptance of structural changes. Love To Know explains that six types of family structures are considered common. It’s important to note that this article emphasizes that no one type of family structure is superior to another. These structures include: Nuclear families Single-parent families Extended families Childless families Stepfamilies Grandparent families More detailed descriptions of these family structures are available on the Love to Know website. Changes in Family Structure As evidenced by the different types above, trends in family structures have changed in different ways over the years. One of these large changes has become the retreat of marriage and the shift towards cohabitation between partners (Lundberg & Sterns, 2016). Again, the research does not put this family above or below others, but some effects are unavoidable and are being studied. With this, here are some resources on ways to increase success in cohabiting with a partner: 6 Way to Cohabit Peacefully With Your Partner, relate.org Tips for Unmarried Parents Who Want to Raise Children Together, FindLaw
Foster and Adoptive Families Foster and adoptive families are crucial because they fulfill an essential need. Right now, there are about 15,000 children in Pennsylvania’s temporary foster care. (PA Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network). This makes this family dynamic even more important. What are Foster and Adoptive Families? There is a difference between the structure of these two families. Foster families help children temporarily when they have a home that is not adequate for a child. Several aspects of the family are assessed to determine suitability. Adoptive families permanently take in a child who is not their own and raise them as a biological child. These parents go through a legal process to officially adopt. Challenges of Foster and Adoptive Families With children, ambiguous loss often arises as a struggle faced during the transition. Some children in foster care have parents/family that are physically no longer in the child’s life, but psychologically, the child still feels their presence. This creates feelings of ambiguous loss in the child, which can come along with grief and resentment towards the foster and adoptive family. Parents are encouraged to acknowledge this loss with the child, as well as openly discuss the child’s feelings of grief and increase their human connection with support networks (Mitchell 2016). Foster parents may also struggle with letting their foster child go if the situation does not lead to adoption (PA Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network). These children are placed in foster homes as a temporary solution to the problem, but the problem may become resolved. Children are often returning to their homes or a better situation that was worked out. Foster parents play a critical role in providing safety and security for these children in a time when their lives become difficult, which can create strong bonds, but when the time comes, these parents have to be able to let go quickly. Kinship Caregivers Another common structure of foster and adoptive families is kinship care. Kinship care involves grandparents or other extended family members caring for children. These caregivers can face struggles in this process, too. Feelings of shame and failure as a parent of their adult child, guilt, anger, and resentment are just a few of the challenging emotions kinship caregivers might experience in their position. The Child Welfare Information Gateway offers multiple articles with helpful tips and planning for kinship caregivers to have a successful foster period or adoption process. Learn More Both fostering and adopting children can be a challenging process for both the caregiver and the child. Being well-informed about struggles that the child may have difficulty expressing to their caregiver is always helpful. Many organizations have put out useful information and resources for caregivers in these positions. Here are a few: An online course for supportive strategies for foster and adoptive families through Better Kid Care at Penn State University A helpful resource on the way the family dynamic may change when a family who already has children adopts a child Information on becoming a foster or adoptive parent through PA Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network
Developmentally Appropriate Parenting Series: Part XII Caring for the Caregiver Caregiving can often take a large toll on someone. However, if caregivers don’t take time time to prioritize themselves, they won’t be able to perform at their best. It might seem impossible to juggle self-care and the needs of others, so Trying Together published some resources with topics including how to ask and receive help, internal and external resources, and mindfulness for caregivers. Featured Resources A Guide to Caring for Yourself While Caring for Others A Guide to Caring for Yourself While Caring for Others helps caregivers walk through the importance of self-care as well as giving simple, realistic ways to practice self-care. How to Ask and Receive Help As a caregiver, it can be difficult to reach out for and receive help. Our article, How to Ask and Receive Help, can be a helpful resource on how to approach these situations. Support Resources for Parents and Caregivers This post is a carefully curated list of resources for families, parents, adoptive parents, kinship caregivers, and multigenerational caregivers for support. Read more. Practice Mindfulness for Parents Mindfulness can be a very helpful practice for overloaded parents to take a minute and come back to the present. Check out this article for what mindfulness can do for you, along with mindfulness activities and local mindfulness programs. External Resources for Parents and Caregivers View these four resources for additional support on caring for yourself as the caregiver. Learn More Additional resources and information can be found on the Trying Together website.
Developmentally Appropriate Parenting Series: Part XI Family Dynamics Family dynamics are a part of a child’s environment and foundational to many later life outcomes. Understanding one’s family type and the relationships between relatives can help caregivers be aware of the impact on the child. Healthy family dynamics foster an environment that promotes growth and development, rather than hinder it, which can be the result of inappropriate dynamics. Trying Together has published resources on topics including family structures, sibling relationships, parentification, LGBTQ+ families, blended families, and foster and adoptive families. Featured Resources Family Dynamics: A Guide For Families Family Dynamics: A Family Guide provides some brief support to caregivers on how to promote healthy family dynamics in their relationships for the bettering of all family members, but especially, the child. Understanding Family Dynamics This article becomes foundational in that it provides a clear definition of family dynamics and explains why ensuring positive dynamics is critical for health and well-being. Learn more about putting resources into practice! Types of Family Structures Six types of family structures are widely recognized. Identifying structure can help dive deeper into one’s family dynamics. Learn more about the six types of family structures. Navigating Sibling Relationships Siblings are often in a very unique relationship with being so close to the child’s inner circle. Positive sibling relationships can be a very important component of a child’s daily dynamics. Learn more about this impact and how to handle sibling rivalry. Parentification Parentification is a process where caregiver responsibilities are put on a child, and with this, there come many detrimental consequences to a child’s development. Learn more information on how to be aware of these behaviors. LGBTQ+ Families With greater acceptance, the number of LGBTQ+ families is in the millions in the United States. These families are very similar to heterosexual parent relationships, but many still have biases that create challenges for these families. Learn more. Blended Families Blended families, also called stepfamilies, are common, especially with rising divorce rates. This can be a challenging transition for a child, but there are many helpful suggestions for success in navigating the new dynamic. Foster and Adoptive Families In foster and adoptive families, the child is being taken in, rather than born into, the family. Challenges can arise from this family dynamic, but support is available to help caregivers navigate this situation successfully. Learn More Additional resources and information can be found on the Trying Together website.
Family Guide: Gender and Gender Identity Gender identity development is a normal process for all children. Some children will exhibit variations―similar to all areas of human health and behavior. However, all children need support, love, and care from family, school, and society, which fosters growth into happy and healthy adults (Healthy Children). Gender Identity Development Parents can support healthy gender identity development by loving and accepting their children through their developmental stages. Unconditional support will reduce the feelings of shame that may occur when a child isn’t able to express their gender identity. Important Terms Sex at birth: When children are born, sex is assigned based on external genitalia. A child who has a penis is said to be male. A child who has a vulva is said to be female. Gender identity: Gender identity is “who you know yourself to be”. It is important to know that gender identity exists on a spectrum. A person’s gender identity can be masculine, feminine, or other. Gender expression: This is how you express your gender to others, whether through behavior, clothing, hairstyle, the name you choose to go by, etc Gender Identity Development at Each Age Infancy Children observe messages about gender from adults’ appearances, activities, and behaviors. 18 to 24 Months Toddlers begin to define gender, using messages from many sources. As they develop a sense of self, toddlers look for patterns in their homes and early care settings. Gender is one way to understand group belonging, which is important for secure development. (Office of Head Start Early Childhood Learning and Knowledge Center) Two to three years old At around two years old, children are aware of differences between boys and girls. Most children can identify themselves as a “boy” or “girl”. This term may or may not match the assigned sex at birth. Some children’s gender identity remains stable over their lives, while others may alternate between identifying themselves as “boy” or “girl”, or even assume other gender identities at different times (sometimes even on the same day). This is normal and healthy. (Caring for Kids) Four to five years old Children become more aware of gender expectations or stereotypes as they grow older. For example, they may think that certain toys are only for girls or boys. Some children may express their gender very strongly. For example, a child might go through a stage of insisting on wearing a dress every day or refusing to wear a dress even on special occasions. (Caring for Kids) Six to seven years old Many children begin to reduce outward expressions of gender as they feel more confident that others recognize their gender. For example, a girl may not feel that she has to wear a dress every day because she knows that others see her as a girl no matter what she wears. Children who feel their gender identity is different from the assigned sex at birth may experience increased social anxiety because they want to be like their peers, but realize they don’t feel the same way. (Caring for Kids) Eight years old and older Pre-teens and teens continue to develop their gender identity through personal reflection and with input from their social environment, like peers, family, and friends. Some gender-stereotyped behaviors may appear. You may notice your teen or pre-teen making efforts to “play up” or “downplay” some of their body’s physical changes. As puberty begins, some youth may realize that their gender identity is different from their assigned sex at birth. Because some children’s gender identification may change, especially around puberty, families are encouraged to keep options open for their children. (Caring for Kids) Ways to Be Supportive There are a variety of ways that parents can support their child through development, and engage them in healthy, developmentally appropriate ways about their gender expression and identity. Communicate Talk with your child about gender identity. As soon as your child can say words like “girl” and “boy,” they are beginning to understand gender. Ask questions! This is a great way to hear your child’s ideas about gender. Ask your child’s teachers how they support gender expression and what they teach about gender identity at school. Speak positively about your child to your child and to others. Show your admiration for your child’s identity and expression of it. (Mayo Clinic) Assuming your child’s gender expression is a form of rebellion or defiance can be harmful to them and to your relationship. Listen to them and ask questions about how they are feeling. Provide Resources Read books with your child that talk about many different ways to be a boy, a girl, or have another gender identity. If accessible, provide a variety of toys for your child to choose from, including baby dolls, toy vehicles, action figures, blocks, etc. Utilize books, puppets, and other toys to think through, act out, and challenge gender norms. Connect Be aware that a child who is worrying about gender may show signs of depression, anxiety, and poor concentration. They may not want to go to school. If you are concerned about your child’s emotional health, talk to your child’s family doctor, pediatrician, or other mental health professionals. Connect with other families who have a gender-diverse child. This can help reduce any isolation you and your child might be experiencing. Look for an in-person or online support group. Ways NOT to Support Don’t pressure your child to change who they are. Focus on what brings your child joy and security. A child living with supportive parents and caregivers is likely to be a happier child. Don’t try to shame or punish your child for their gender expression or identity. Don’t belittle or ridicule your child’s gender expression or allow others in your family to do so. Don’t prevent your child from expressing gender in public or at family activities to avoid it making you or someone else uncomfortable. Resources Local Resources Dreams of Hope Hugh Lane Wellness Foundation PERSAD Center PFLAG Pittsburgh Pittsburgh Equality Center (Formerly GLCC) Project Silk Proud Haven National Resources GSA Network LGBT National Youth Talkline The Trevor Project Download a PDF version of this resource.
Non-Gendered Play in Early Childhood Children learn the social meanings of gender from adults and culture. Beliefs about activities, interests, and behaviors associated with gender are called “gender norms,” and gender norms are not exactly the same in every community (Office of Head Start Early Childhood Learning and Knowledge Center). Adults can either challenge or reinforce the bias that might underline gendered play. By doing so they either permit or prohibit children to be themselves in how they approach play. How Can Children Learn About Gender Through Play? The play offers children a context to engage in social learning; in play, children can practice new skills and understandings before they start using them in other situations (Johnson, Christie, and Wardle, 2005). The social learning that takes place during play constitutes an important part of children’s experience of constructing and shaping their gender identities (Yelland, 1998). Through their play choices, children enact their understanding of gender as well as further develop their gender identities (Children’s Research Network). Children learn cognitive, emotional, social, linguistic, and problem-solving skills through pretend (dramatic) play. They also explore what life is like for other people, animals, or objects (what is it like to be a mother? a train? or a lion?). For example, children of all genders with a pregnant parent often engage in pregnancy play (putting a doll or stuffed animal up their shirt). In doing so, they’re exploring what it is like to be pregnant. All children, regardless of gender, show interest in this question and develop empathy by exploring other roles. Pretend play does not cause a child to develop any particular adult gender or sexual identity, and is developmentally appropriate (Include NYC). How Does Non-Gendered Play Impact Sense of Self? Young children look to caring adults to help them understand the expectations of their society and to develop a secure sense of self. Children are more likely to develop resiliency and succeed when they feel valued and have a sense of belonging (AAP Healthy Children, 2015; Kohlberg, 1966; Ramsey, 2004). Parents and caregivers can support healthy gender identity development by recognizing the importance of non-gendered play. Cross-gender preferences and play are a normal part of gender development and exploration regardless of their future gender identity (Healthy Children). Strategies for Challenging Gender Stereotypes During Play If accessible, provide a variety of toys for your child to choose from, including baby dolls, toy vehicles, action figures, blocks, etc. Utilize books, puppets, and other toys to think through, act out, and challenge gender norms. If you overhear children saying, “Boy can’t play ______” or “Girls are supposed to ______,” consider gently intervening by approaching calmly and inquisitively, so that children don’t think they are “in trouble”. Consider intervening or making a plan to alter modes of gender-segregated or gender-competitive play. How might you be able to structure activities or spaces differently to encourage children to explore a multitude of games, interests, and modes of being (quiet vs. active)? (Include NYC) This includes encouraging non-stereotypical play, ensuring equal access to all materials, and providing challenging physical activities for boys and girls. Boys might need additional support in crossing gendered play boundaries as they adhere more strongly to their own sex stereotypes. As a result, this could decrease their opportunities to engage with toys that have the potential to elicit higher levels of play complexity. Parents and caregivers who are aware of such nuances can be alert to have conversations with their children and encourage different play opportunities (Children’s Research Network).
Navigating Sibling Relationships Although often overlooked, sibling relationships are some of the most lasting of one’s life. In most family structures, siblings grow up in the same environment with similar experiences. These similarities give this relationship a unique aspect in terms of bonding. Sibling relationships both result from and create family dynamics. Therefore, these relationships have an impact on later life outcomes. How Siblings Affect Development Siblings affect each other’s development in many realms, including social skills and social-emotional development. However, research on birth order does not confirm many stereotypes. Research does show that positive sibling relationships will have positive impacts on development. To achieve a positive relationship, each sibling has to learn to respect each other for their similarities and differences (Psychology Today). Research from Columbia University reveals that high-conflict sibling relationships can lead to more problematic behaviors in individuals throughout life, including criminal behavior. In addition, it is found that a positive parent-child relationship can predict a positive sibling relationship. This demonstrates the permeation of all relative relationships in constructing family dynamics (Ahn, 2019) Siblings share many similar experiences, and that connection can strengthen their bond. With this, hardships can be seen as easier when having a deep, trustworthy, supportive relationship to help one another through life (Psychology Today). Sibling Rivalry According to Psychology Today, sibling rivalry is completely normal for children. However, without care, this rivalry can become detrimental to child development. Especially in the case of parents having a clear favorite child. Parents unfairly treating their children can be detected by the child at less than a year old. This can lead to many negative outcomes such as aggression between siblings, depression, and low self-esteem. Tips for Navigating Rivalry in Sibling Relationships NAYS.org suggests to help reduce the likelihood of a rivalry between siblings negatively affecting a child’s life: Be aware of actions that may be interpreted as favoritism: Give each child attention and focus on their strengths. For example, if a parent used to play football and one of their children now plays football, but the other plays basketball, the parent might tend to converse more passionately with the football player. It is more constructive to talk to each child about their practices and why they enjoy their sport. Focus on encouragement on effort instead of outcome: Emphasizing effort over performance can help feelings of equality. When one child gets more praise from parents over better grades in school, the child with lower grades may become frustrated and take it out in the form of resentment of the other sibling. Comment on how you saw a child studying or how the child completed their homework on time all week to increase their focus on the work, not the grade. Set consistent standards and rules for behavior for all children: Setting clear rules for all children sets the tone that all expectations are the same across the board. While teasing between siblings is normal, it’s helpful for all children to know where the line is drawn. Make it clear to all children that physical violence is not tolerated in the household by anyone.
Family Guide: Family Dynamics Ensuring children are given the appropriate environment to develop is important to caretaking. Understanding family dynamics is critical to a child’s development of a foundational familial environment to be constructive and healthy to promote growth and positive life outcomes. Support for Healthy Family Dynamics Understanding Different Family Structures Families come in all shapes and sizes, and we emphasize that one family structure is not placed above another. From nuclear families to single-parent families to stepfamilies, all families have the potential to have supportive family dynamics. However, understanding the basics of your family structure can be the first step in understanding your family dynamics. Family types classified most often are nuclear, single-parent, extended, childless, step-, and grandparent families. Sibling Relationships Sibling relationships are some of the earliest relationships a child makes. These relationships have an impact on development. A positive sibling relationship has a positive influence on child development. Through sibling relationships, children learn respect for others, social skills, and socio-emotional development. However, sibling rivalry can be detrimental to the child and a barrier to positive development. As a caregiver, it helps to be aware of favoritism, encourage effort over the outcome, and set clear standards for all children to avoid sibling relationships becoming harmful to a child’s development. Parentification Parentification is the process of when a child is given the physical and/or psychological responsibilities of a parent or caregiver. When a child goes through parentification, the responsibilities build and build, and result in the child taking more time away from themselves and putting more into their parental responsibilities. This may cause numerous effects like negative mental health, insecure attachment, and PTSD. LGBTQ+ Families Growing acceptance and legal changes have enabled LGBTQ+ families to receive recognition and support. Research finds that these families do not differ from straight, heterosexual parent families. Importantly, LGBTQ+ parents are equally capable of marrying and raising children and deserve recognition just as any other family type. Blended Families Blended families occur when a divorced parent with a child remarries, sometimes with the new spouse also having children, referred to as stepfamilies. New step-siblings endure a huge transition while parents are living their newfound happiness. These changes can pose challenges. If not resolved, they can lead to negative dynamics. Planning, giving the children time, bonding, and maintaining the quality of the marriage are just a few ways to support a blended family. Counseling and therapy can be a great help, too, to help family members navigate this new situation. Adoptive and Foster Families Adoptive parents permanently take in a child who is not biologically theirs, but foster families take in nonbiological children temporarily until another situation comes along. In either case, these families have a unique dynamic where the child experiences grief, which can be ambiguous when the parent is physically absent but not psychologically. These families may also include kinship caregivers, such as grandparents or other extended family members who become primary caregiver(s). These families are just as capable of healthy family dynamics as biological families. Resources for Understanding Family Dynamics National Resources The National Family Support Network Child Welfare Information Gateway National Stepfamily Resource Center Center for the Study of Social Policy Local Resources Family Resources Hello Baby PERSAD Center City of Pittsburg Gender Equity Commission Angels’ Place University of Pittsburgh Youth and Family Research Program Learn more Additional resources and information can be found on the Trying Together website. Download a PDF version of this resource.
Blended Families Stepfamilies occur when a divorced parent with children remarries to another partner. This other partner may also have children. With this process, the partners are often excited to start their new found happiness together, but sometimes children struggle with the transition. Blended families can become as bonded as a blood-related family, and there are helpful ways to bring about success and happiness for both the parents and the children. Making Your Blended Family a Success HelpGuide provides constructive suggestions for blended families who are new to the transition: Plan Your Blended Family Too many changes at once can be overwhelming and make the transition off putting. Take your time and give everyone a chance to get used to each other and the idea of the new family. Bond With Your New Blended Family As the parent, think about the child(ren)s’ needs. Children typically want to feel safe, secure, loved, valued, heard, and emotionally connected. If children feel like these needs are being met, they may be more open to a relationship with the new parent and sibling(s). Help Children Adjust Children of different ages and genders will react and adjust differently to a newly blended family. Taking this into account can help parents adjust their approach to establish a trusting relationship. Maintain Marriage Quality While the focus in the beginning might be on the children, partners in a newly blended family need to keep quality in their marriage because this ultimately benefits the children, also. If kids see a model relationship, they will feel more secure in their new dynamic. Help From The Outside Navigating a blended family is a new experience for everyone, even the parents. With this, sometimes parents don’t have all the answers and needing guidance from an outside party can be extremely helpful for the family’s success. Counseling can help parents voice their opinions and concerns about parenting, and it gives children an opportunity to express their fears and concerns regarding the new situation. Family therapy and family systems therapy are also available ways to support your new blended family through the transition (GoodTherapy). Helpful Reading Books are a great tool to help children relate to experiences through characters. Being in a blended family can feel alienating because every experience is different. By using books that are themed with the complexities of stepfamilies, it can help children feel less alone in what they are going through. Visit the Read Brightly website for a list of thirteen books that may help your child work through this challenging transition in their life.
Practicing Mindfulness for Parents Practicing mindfulness for parents is one way to stay grounded throughout the crazy schedule and life of being a parent. Learning to practice compassion, live in the present moment, and be grateful for the things in your life will go a long way toward improving your clarity, focus, and mood from day to day. About Mindfulness Mindfulness is a helpful way to decompress if you’re feeling overwhelmed. It helps you notice your emotions and calm yourself in stressful situations. It includes breathing exercises, guided meditations, and taking a step back from difficult situations. These habits can give you the time and emotional space you need to solve problems at home. Mindfulness Activities Here are some mindfulness activities for parents to practice: try one of these one-minute mindfulness exercises—like mindfully chewing a raisin or repeating your heart’s aspiration. Create a mindfulness jar with your children as a family reminder to stop and keep your mind in the present. Start your day by repeating a positive affirmation Start a gratitude journal to focus on and remember the positives for a few minutes each day. Before you start your day, try a little goal visualization to decide what you want to get done. Try a body scan meditation with your kids to consider what you feel from head to toe and to relax your muscles. For a comprehensive list of examples, visit the Waterford website. Local Mindfulness Programs Awaken Pittsburgh offers free monthly guided meditations open to anyone. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Courses (UPMC Integrative Medicine) MBSR is an eight-week, evidence-based, highly experiential course that is currently offered at more than 250 hospitals, universities, and clinical settings in the United States and around the world. MBSR primarily aims to help participants develop skills they can flexibly apply to stress, pain, and illness in everyday life. Through experiential learning and discussion during class, and daily mindfulness practice at home, participants learn and refine a range of self-regulatory skills that involve finely tuned attention to thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. Call 412-623-3023 or visit the UPMC website. The Penn Program for Mindfulness provides powerful tools for coping and personal growth while combining modern cognitive science with ancient mindfulness techniques. Participants learn to reconnect with the source of meaning in their lives, be steady in the most difficult moments, and connect more deeply with what matters most to them. Mindfulness approaches help individuals to let go of unproductive habits and reactivity. Learn more on The Penn Program for Mindfulness website.
