March 25, 2022 Developmentally Appropriate Parenting Series: Part X Gender, Gender Identity, and LGBTQ+ Inclusion Gender development is a normal process for all children, and there are often variations in the process. Love, acceptance, and unconditional support through all developmental stages can help support healthy gender development. Trying Together published resources on this topic including gender identity development in early childhood; how sex, gender, and gender identity are defined; supporting gender nonconformity; non-gendered play in early childhood; and information about local organizations supporting LGBTQ+ youth. Featured Resources Gender, Gender Identity, LGBTQ+ Inclusion: A Family Guide Gender, Gender Identity, LGBTQ+ Inclusion: A Family Guide gives caregivers clear definitions of some terms in the topic of gender development. This guide also explores gender identity development at each age along with some supportive strategies. How are Sex, Gender, and Gender Identity Defined? Parental support is key to healthy gender identity development in the early years of life, but an understanding of the definitions of important terms will help parents better navigate support. View detailed definitions and explanations of these terms. Gender Identity Development in Early Childhood As children age, they go through different stages of gender identity development. It is important to show support through early childhood. Learn more. Non-Gendered Play in Early Childhood Through social learning, play can be a tool for children to guide their understanding of gender and develop gender identities. It becomes key to make play non-gendered to foster exploration through play. Supporting Gender Non-Conforming or Binary Young Children Even though the adults in a child’s environment have no control over their gender identities, they are influential on whether the child feels respected and accepted or shamed and rejected. Being supportive is key to fostering a healthy relationship. Children’s Books to Celebrate Gender Expression, Inclusion, and Pride Books can help children see both a reflection of themselves and empathy towards others. View a list of children’s books that promote various ideas of the LGBTQ+ community that may be a helpful resource for children. LGBTQ+ Organizations: Resources for Families There are both national and local organizations to support the LGBTQ+ community. View a list of national and local organizations supporting the LGBTQ+ community. More Information Additional resources and information can be found on the Trying Together website.
How Are Sex, Gender, and Gender Identity Defined? Children begin to understand and express their gender identity early in life (Caring for Kids). Parents can support healthy gender identity development by loving and accepting their children through their developmental stages. Unconditional support will reduce the feelings of shame that may occur when a child isn’t able to express their gender identity. Understanding the definitions of important terms will empower parents and caregivers with the knowledge to navigate resources related to gender development. Definitions to Help with Gender Expression & Development Below is a list of definitions from Caring for Kids. Sex at birth: At birth, sex is assigned based on external genitalia. A child who has a penis is classified as male. A child who has a vulva is classified as female. Gender identity: Gender identity is “who you know yourself to be”. It is important to know that gender identity exists on a spectrum. A person’s gender identity can be masculine, feminine, or other. Gender expression: This is how you express your gender to others. One can express this through behavior, clothing, hairstyle, the name you choose to use, and so on. Words to describe someone’s gender expression could be “masculine,” “feminine,” “androgynous,” etc. Sexual orientation: This refers to the sexual or emotional attraction that one feels for another person. Transgender: When a person’s gender identity differs from their assigned sex at birth, they may identify as “transgender” (often shortened to “trans”). For example, a child born with female genitalia may identify as a boy. A child may also say that they are not a boy or a girl, but just “themselves” because they don’t want their sexual characteristics to define who they are. Some cultures and Indigenous people use the term “two-spirit” to represent a person who embodies both a masculine and feminine spirit. Two-spiritedness has many subtleties of a spiritual and cultural nature. Gender dysphoria: Describes the level of discomfort or suffering that can exist when there is a conflict between the assigned sex at birth and gender identity. Some transgender children experience no distress about their bodies, while others may express significant discomfort. This distress can be more obvious as puberty begins and the body starts to change.
Support Resources for Parents and Caregivers Parents and caregivers of young children are tasked with ensuring that their children’s needs are met. The following resources are available for parenting help and support those individuals as they also work to take care of themselves. Support Resources For Parenting Help and Support Jerimiah’s Place Jerimiah’s Place provides families in Pittsburgh and surrounding areas with emergency child care for children ages zero to six completely free of charge. Children can stay at Jerimiah’s Place for a few hours or a few days based on the needs of each family. Because Jerimiah’s Place does not operate as a drop-in center, families must register for an intake appointment. For more information, visit the Jerimiah’s Place website or call 412.924.0726. PA 211 If you need to connect with resources in your community but don’t know where to look, PA 211 is a great place to start. At the PA 211 website, you can get connected with services such as family/parent support groups, marriage counseling, education programs, and other assistance. Allegheny County Family Centers All 27 Allegheny County Family Centers offer activities kids, parents, and caregivers of all ages can take part in. Activities and various support services are free to parents and their children. Stay up-to-date with your local family center by visiting the Allegheny County Family Center website. Single Mom Defined Single Mom Defined is a safe space for single mothers to seek advice and support, share stories and resources, and build new friendships. This group is open to all current and former single moms, no matter their race, religion, or location. Women-leading organizations serving single mothers and families can connect moms to resources and information to help them thrive. Single Mom Defined’s babysitting cooperative is open to mothers in Clairton, East Hills, Homewood (including Lincoln, Larimer, and Lemington), and the Hilltop (including Arlington, Beltzhoover, and Knoxville). Learn more at the Single Mom Defined website. For Adoptive Parents PA’s Statewide Adoption & Permanency Network (SWAN) The Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network (SWAN) is a partnership among the Department of Human Services (DHS), the Pennsylvania Adoption Exchange, public and private adoption agencies, organizations, advocates, judges, the legal community, and foster and adoptive parents. SWAN provides post-adoption services like case advocacy to help families access services, support groups, and planned breaks through respite care. Families self-refer to SWAN Post-Permanency Services by calling the SWAN Helpline at 1-800-585-7926. Learn more on the SWAN website. For Kinship Caregivers KinConnector PA KinConnector provides guidance, advice, and support for grandparents raising grandchildren and other relative and non-relative Kinship Caregivers. Learn more on the KinConnector website or by calling 1-866-546-2111. For Multigenerational Caregivers (Taking Care of Parents and Children) Pennsylvania Caregiver Support Program The Pennsylvania Caregiver Support Program, provided through the DHS Area Agency on Aging, provides resources and assistance to individuals who assume the primary responsibility for the provision of care to encourage a healthy, ongoing relationship with their care receiver. The program aims to alleviate the stresses associated with caregiving by focusing on the well-being of the caregiver. Services include providing access to respite care, addressing the need for formal and informal support, and providing financial reimbursement for out-of-pocket costs associated with caregiving-related services and supplies. Learn more on the Allegheny County DHS website.
Understanding Family Dynamics Familial relationships are amongst the first, and therefore, most foundational relationships of one’s life. With this, it is becoming increasingly important to be aware of their effects on children because of associated lasting outcomes. Parents are encouraged to understand family dynamics, not only to improve their relationships but also to enhance their child’s life. Defining Family Dynamics To help families better understand ways to promote healthier family dynamics, the National Center for Biotechnology Information first clearly defined the term as, “the patterns of interactions among relatives, their roles and relationships, and the various factors that shape their interactions”. The NCBI article explains issues in family dynamics that are of concern, such as health, wellness, and recovery outcomes, as well as the clinical significance of the topic, which focuses on health-related outcomes. Why Are They Important? In the existing research, the impact on health outcomes becomes critical in why healthy, adaptive family dynamics are important. Marital satisfaction can support the health and well-being of parents, which translates to more adaptive parent-child relationships that provide a multitude of positives, including cognitive, behavioral, physical, and mental health (Lincoln, 2015). For more information on how to promote healthy family dynamics to achieve positive health outcomes for all members of the family, view the articles provided by healthychild.org on family dynamics. Some particularly helpful linked articles include: Family Relationships: This short video shows Dr. Michael Rich explaining the value and importance that parent and sibling relationships hold in a child’s life. He also gives some helpful suggestions on ways to foster strong bonds within your family. Normal Functioning Family: While there is no such thing as a “normal family”, this article explains how to promote healthy family functioning. Feeling Overwhelmed With Parenting Demands?: Knowing that being a parent can often be overwhelming and stressful, this article offers some tips and tricks on how to bring it back down when you’re feeling maxed out.
LGBTQ+ Families In the past, children of LGBTQ+ families were from a previous different-sex relationship. Today, greater acceptance from society and technology advancements have allowed LGBTQ+ individuals to come out earlier in life and start their families as partners. Common ways that people of this community and same-sex couples are having children are through assisted reproductive technology, fostering, and adopting (Family Equality). What Do LGBTQ+ Families Look Like? With between 2-3.7 million children under 18 living with at least one LGBTQ+ parent (Family Equality), it is a rising question of how these families work. Research repeatedly finds that these families are very similar to different-sex parent families. These families can also be married, divorced, single-parent, cohabiting, etc. The SPSSI found five important research findings regarding the equality of LGBTQ+ families: LGBTQ+ people are equally as fit to marry and raise children. There is no foundation for the idea that LGBTQ+ mothers and fathers should not become parents because of their sexual orientation. Being involved in a relationship with (an) LGBTQ+ person(s) is unrelated to their ability to care for a child. LGBTQ+ and heterosexual women show similar child-rearing practices. LGBTQ+ fathers are not found to be different from heterosexual fathers in their ability to parent or foster healthy development for the child. Learn More Visit Family Equality’s postings to learn more about these families and the discrimination they face. The Movement Advancement Project also has various resource maps on helpful statistics.
About Proud Haven Proud Haven is a Pittsburgh LGBTQ+ youth organization that provides a safe space for ages 21 and under. From Monday through Friday, 1-7 p.m., Proud Haven offers arts and crafts, workshops, games, movie nights, resources, and more. Location 517 E. Ohio St., Pittsburgh, PA 15212 This location is accessible by the Pittsburgh Port Authority bus routes: 1, 2, 4, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 15, 17, and 54. Get Involved To participate in activities at Proud Haven, view their events calendar. Supplies are limited and varying and will be given on a first-come, first-served basis. To check availability, please email admin@proudhaven.org. Donations can be made to Proud Haven in the form of monetary donations, canned goods, perishable goods, snack food, hygiene products, socks, clothing, gift cards to restaurants, and/or gift cards to grocery stores. Please message Proud Haven before dropping off donations. More Information Proud Haven’s programming is made possible by a collaboration between Proud Haven, TransYOUniting, and TransPridePgh. For additional information on supporting Pittsburgh LGBTQ+ youth, please contact admin@proudhaven.org.
About Hugh Lane Wellness Foundation The Hugh Lane Wellness Foundation was launched in 2017 to improve the health of the LGBTQ+ youth and HIV communities. The Hugh Lane Wellness Foundation supports this community of youth and their caregivers to improve relationships, communication, and well-being to make that a reality. Altogether, having a supportive caregiver can significantly impact the overall health and future of a young person. Therefore, the presence of such a caregiver is crucial for their well-being and development. Hugh Lane Wellness Foundation Services are available to all LGBTQ+ youth and families. Hugh Lane Wellness Foundation prioritizes youth in child welfare settings. Furthermore, in addition to their direct services, this organization also offers expert consultation to professionals, thereby helping to support youth and families more effectively. LGBTQ+ Youth Programs Youth Affirm – This program is an opportunity for LGBTQ+ youth to come together to protect their mental and sexual health. We accomplish this by learning ways to navigate spaces and caregivers that are not always supportive. Caregiver Affirm – This three-part series helps parents and caregivers of LGBTQ+ youth. They will build skills and identify strategies to work toward becoming more affirming. Steps 2 Connect (S2C) – A support for caregivers who may be struggling with a young person’s gender and/or sexuality. S2C helps to move families toward improving relationships with LGBTQIA+ youth.
Resource List: Books to Celebrate Gender Expression, Inclusion, and Pride Children need to see themselves, their characteristics, and their values reflected in the books that they read. For young children, sharing stories related to gender, gender expression, and pride can instill a sense of inclusion and empathy toward others. Below is a list of resources that recommend books related to LGBTQ+ inclusion for children. Note that this list is not exhaustive, and many wonderful children’s books exist that speak to these topics. Gender Identity Books and Resources Best LGBTQ Books for Kids To Celebrate Pride Month, Mommy Poppins 59 Children’s Books that Celebrate Pride – LGBTQ Book List for Kids, No Time for Flash Cards 24 Great LGBTQIA+ Books for Kids and Teens, Brightly 20 Picture Books to Help You Raise Kind, Tolerant Kids, Today 17 LGBTQ-Friendly Books To Read To Your Kid In Honor Of Pride, Huffpost Best LGBTQ+ Pride Books for Babies and Toddlers, Babylist Great Board Books & Picture Books to Celebrate Pride Month, New York Public Library Read Proud: Kids & Teens LGBTQ Booklists, Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh Early Childhood: Learning about Gender Identity, Social Justice Books
Resource List: LGBTQ+ Organizations LGBTQ+ Organizations Here is a list of national and Pittsburgh LGBTQ+ organizations. National LGBTQ+ Organizations These are national organizations: GSA Network LGBT National Youth Talkline The Trevor Project Pittsburgh LGBTQ+ Organizations These are local organizations: Dreams of Hope Hugh Lane Wellness Foundation PERSAD Center PFLAG Pittsburgh Pittsburgh Equality Center (Formerly GLCC) Project Silk Proud Haven Additional Resources Here are some additional resources for Allegheny County and Pittsburgh LGBTQ+ organizations. ACLU of Pennsylvania – Greater Pittsburgh Chapter A civil rights organization that can provide legal information and help with discrimination complaints. Allegheny County DHS LGBTQ Resources A collection of websites, articles, and resources on LGBTQ health, civil rights, and other issues. There is a page specifically for LGBTQ youth. GSLEN (Gay Straight Lesbian Educators Network) A national nonprofit with resources to help schools become more LGBTQ+ inclusive. Allegheny County LGBTQ Resource Guide A list of organizations supporting the LGBTQ community in Allegheny County. Learn more Learn more about gender expression and identity with these resources: LGBTQ+ Families Developmentally Appropriate Parenting Series: Part X Family Guide: Gender and Gender Identity Non-Gendered Play in Early Childhood How Are Sex, Gender, and Gender Identity Defined?
How to Ask for and Receive Help Are you always willing to help others but you don’t like asking for help? Ask for Help Caring for yourself is one of the most important, yet one of the most often forgotten, things you can do as a parent or a caregiver. Caring for others is one of the most selfless things someone can do, and requesting assistance might feel selfish or daunting. According to Psychology Today, we live “in a society that praises self-help and self-reliance, [and] it is becoming increasingly difficult for us to ask our colleagues, friends, and even our family for the assistance we need. The mere thought of needing help from others can eat away at our ego, undermine our confidence, make us question our abilities, and even paralyze us with anxiety.” However, accepting help is necessary because when you take care of your own needs, the person (or people) you care for will benefit, too. Make it a Habit Allowing those around you to support you not only eases your responsibility load but can give someone who is helping a feeling of worth. Here are a few ways to make asking for and receiving help a habit: Say yes. When someone offers to help you with a task, practice saying yes. Even if it seems like a mundane task, such as making a meal or picking up your child from school, it’s one less thing you have on your plate. Examine your beliefs on receiving. For example: What’s stopping you from accepting assistance from others? Do you feel that you don’t deserve to receive love or support? If so, why do you feel that way? Allow others to give. It takes two to give and receive, and consistently rejecting help from willing people can create roadblocks in a relationship. Let those you trust know when you feel like you’re approaching the point of needing support or a step back. Give them time to prepare themselves so that they can be more effective when you do reach out. Make a List of Helpers Spend some time thinking about your friends, neighbors, or family members who you consider your support team. Ask them if it’s ok to count on them for support when you need it. It could make things easier to keep a handy list of people you know willing to help with certain tasks – such as meal planning, child care, moral support, or other specific tasks. Also, keep a list of people who have offered their help to you at some point. Even though you might never call upon these people, having the tangible proof that you are surrounded by support can ease stress. Download a PDF to help keep track of your helpers.
