In order to understand how racism exists in our society, parents and caregivers should have an understanding of how race, equity, and related terms are defined and why they are important. When adults understand racism in our society, they can then teach their children. When children have this knowledge, they can aid in building a more equitable society for all of us (NAEYC).

Defining Race

The general definition for race is the color of one’s skin or one’s ancestry, which is different from ethnicity, culture, or beliefs (AECF). The American Psychological Association defines race and ethnicity in the following ways:

• “What is race? Race is a social construct that categorizes people based on their physical appearance.”
• “What is ethnicity? Ethnicity is a category of people who identify with each other based on shared ancestry, cultural, social, and national experiences.”

Understanding that race is a social construct is crucial. Early European ideologies created and promoted it to advance social and political desires. How race is viewed in America today is directly impacted by historical influence. Historically, defining race in America meant defining who was “white” and who wasn’t for voting and census purposes (Facing History).

Individuals can experience race in multiple different ways. Although a person may belong to more than one racial group, how others perceive them influences their treatment. Thus, race plays a critical role in understanding today’s society – it affects how others perceive individuals, the opportunities available to them, and what challenges they may face. Understanding that different races experience the world differently through this lens is the first step in understanding racism.

NAEYC defines racism as “a system of oppression that results from a combination of prejudice and power.” NAEYC goes on to specify that because racism is a system in which those in power can oppress those without power, the belief that racially based bias against white individuals is a misconception. “Anyone can hold a bias against people of another race, but only some races are subject to oppressive structures and practices as a result of that bias.”

This video from Flocabulary showcases the experiences of five different individuals as they learned about race as students. Learning about race and teaching children about race has a profound impact on how our society views race and racism.

Defining Equity

Equity is defined as “the state, quality or ideal of being just, impartial and fair” (AECF). It is important to think of equity as a systemic concept – some systems reinforce equity (or lack of equity), which makes it difficult for marginalized groups to obtain the same opportunities or outcomes as of white individuals.

Equity is not the same thing as equality. “Equity involves trying to understand and give people what they need to enjoy full, healthy lives. Equality, in contrast, aims to ensure that everyone gets the same things to enjoy full, healthy lives. Like equity, equality aims to promote fairness and justice, but it can only work if everyone starts from the same place and needs the same things.”

The Importance of Discussing Race and Equity with Your Child

Research shows that children who discuss race experience more positive outcomes. Additionally, teaching children about their history and community can buffer negative messages encountered at school, in the media, etc. Considering that racial biases may be present as young as six months old, it is never too early to begin discussing race with your child. Continue to explore resources on race and equity throughout the Developmentally Appropriate Parenting Series.

LeaWhile most parents and caregivers wish to raise their children to be kind and to treat everyone fairly regardless of race, children may internalize racial biases as young as two years old (Healthy Children). A common trope is for white parents and caregivers to teach their children “not to see race” or to avoid having open and honest conversations about race. However, parents who do not talk about race are likely to have racially biased children.

According to the American Psychological Association, “It is never too early to engage in direct and indirect communication about race and ethnicity.”

Parents and Caregivers Impact on Raising White Children

Children learn their ideas of race from their caregivers. Parents of white children must model positive behavior, which may first require recognizing and undoing one’s preconceived racist thoughts, actions, and behaviors (Huffpost). Additionally, where children may not be receiving appropriate education on our nation’s history and how race has impacted the structures and institutions around us, parents must be willing to learn about the history of racism and teach it to their children in developmentally appropriate ways (PBS).

It’s important for children to feel comfortable talking with their parents about race and racism (Embrace Race). Let your child know they can come to you with any thoughts or questions, but also continue checking in with them to assess how they are feeling and what they are thinking.

Strategies for White Parents and Caregivers Raising White Children

Positively Responding to How Children Are Begining to Identify Racsim

Young children may begin to point out racial differences as they become aware of them. Their statements may imply bias, such as “That man has weird hair,” or be neutral, such as “That man has dark skin.” Parents may wish to hush their child to avoid embarrassment, but normalizing talking about race will help you respond in a calm, matter-of-fact way, highlighting the beauty in differences (Huffpost).

“The underlying message of pretending to be ‘colorblind’ is that Black is bad,” said Valarie A. Chavis, CEO and founder of CulturallyFluent.org. “Kids might look at me and say ‘Look at that Black lady’ and their white mom will shush them and say ‘Oh I’m so sorry!’ But I am a Black lady! I think that discomfort goes back to the false idea that anything not white is bad, so white parents are afraid their child saying someone is Black means they’re saying they see you as bad. Instead of saying ‘Yes, she is a Black lady,’ white parents teach kids to whisper ‘Black.’” (Huffpost)

Parents and caregivers can learn about appropriate ways to respond to questions that their child may ask. They should also go one step further to ask questions and facilitate conversations, themselves. Natural conversation starters can be real-world events or things that the child is consuming through media.

Creating a Space Where Diversity Can Be Seen

Parents of white children should seek out books, toys, and shows that feature diverse characters. Beyond that, parents can have a conversation with their children about what traits they value in different characters to begin a conversation about race. If a parent or caregiver notices bias in their children, they can address it early by asking questions like, “Why don’t you like playing with this doll? Why don’t you like reading this book?” When parents of white children expose them to multiple nonwhite cultures and histories, encourage them to have diverse friendships, and note the value in other cultures, then white children are more likely to grow up without experiencing racial bias.

White parents, while encouraging their children to learn about race and form cross-race friendships, should avoid “tokenizing” children of color (Embrace Race). This is equally as important for adults when forming authentic friendships and relationships in their own lives, as their children will pick up on their modeled behavior. A profound weight has been placed on the Black community to continuously be scrutinized for the color of their skin, and parents of white children should remember to not add to that burden as they navigate educating themselves on race.

Additional Information

Note that conversations about race might look different within multicultural families or families where white parents and caregivers are raising children of color. Here are some resources for multicultural families:

• The Realities of Raising a Kid of a Different Race, TIME
• Mixed Americans: How multicultural families talk about race, Cronkite News
• How White Parents Can Talk About Race With Their Children of Color, Huffpost

Additional Resources

Trying Together offers many helpful resources when discussing racism with children.

• Children’s Books on Race and Equity
• Defining Race and Equity
• Family Guide to Discussing Race and Equity with Young Children

Children across the United States become aware of the ongoing racism through the news or witnessing racism in their communities. Understand that children are aware of racial differences very early in their lives. By age 2-4, children can internalize racial bias (Healthy Children). It is important to discuss race and racism openly and honestly with children.

Many children of color have experienced such racism themselves, or seen it affect their loved ones. From police brutality to attacks on Asian Americans, racism can be frightening and confusing for children (Child Mind Institute).

Strategies for Discussing Police Brutality, Violence, and Protests with Young Children

Here are a few ways to navigate conversations with your children on discussing police brutality, violence, and protest.

Validate Their Feelings

Validate the child’s feelings, fears, or worries, even when what they are saying may make you uncomfortable.

Children might share their emotions with you by acting out their worries with toys or expressing themselves through art. Acknowledge their feelings by asking them broad questions, such as “How did the news make you feel and think? What did it make you think about?” (Child Mind Institute).

Have Open Conversations

Speak directly about race to help children understand how racial disparities impact people of color. The Child Mind Institute explains, “It may seem obvious, but be sure to emphasize that racial violence is wrong. It’s easy for kids (especially little ones) to think that bad things happen to people of color because the people are themselves bad. […] Emphasize to your child that Black people and other people of color are good and that being a person of color doesn’t make you bad. Treating people unfairly is a bad thing, and people of color have been treated unfairly for a long time.”

Speak calmly, but don’t hide your emotions. Talking about violence and police brutality may be difficult and raise negative emotions for you, as well. Let your child know that this topic is difficult to talk about and suggest taking a break. Remind your child that you can continue the conversation later. In addition, parents and caregivers need to take care of their mental well-being amidst violence and racism. This ensures that their child feels safe and cared for in these conversations. (USA Today)

Address Their Fears

When discussing police brutality with your children, it may become evident your children have fears. If your child is fearful of police officers, describe how most police officers want to help people. They help our communities by making sure cars don’t go too fast or helping when something has been stolen. However, some police officers do break the law. Parents and caregivers should let their children know that they are safe. The conversation about police brutality may differ depending on the child’s age race, and experiences. Ensure the child feels safe, especially if they have witnessed police brutality before. Black children may fear police brutality more because they identify themselves and their loved ones as potential targets. It may be harder for parents and caregivers to reassure them that they are safe (WBUR). One Talk at a Time supports Latinx American, Asian American, African American, and Block youth and their families to have conversations about race and ethnicity.

Ensure Them You are a Safe Space

Tell your child that they can talk to you about race and racism anytime. Reassure them that you are there if they have questions or are feeling scared, sad, or worried. Sharing stories of hope and resilience with your children shows them that good people are helping to improve society (Common Sense Media). Reading children’s books on race and violence can facilitate conversations about these difficult topics. Additionally, children may think about race unconsciously. Continue asking them questions about their feelings and thoughts (WBUR).

Supporting Children’s Mental Health Amid Anti-Black Racial Violence

Racism has been linked to increasing risks for conditions like heart disease, cancer, diabetes, or drug abuse. Racism can exacerbate physical health issues facing the Black community but also mental health as well.  Black individuals are less likely to seek mental health treatment. Only one-third of Black Americans who need mental health care receive it (Sunshine Behavioral Health). Racism has been linked to birth disparities and mental health problems in children and adolescents (American Academy of Pediatrics).

Caring for the Caregiver

Parents and caregivers may experience situations where they are attempting to support their child’s mental health but also must take care of themselves to be a resource for their children.

Seek professional support, if needed. Sometimes children’s or caregivers’ experience of racial trauma can lead to serious traumatic stress that requires professional support. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) recommends seeking help from a mental health clinician if serious problems persist for longer than six weeks (Child Trends).

Ongoing individual and collective psychological or physical injuries due to exposure and re-exposure to race-based adversity, discrimination, and stress, referred to as racial trauma, are harmful to children’s development and well-being. Events that may cause racial trauma include threats of harm and injury, hate speech, humiliating and shaming events, or any other form of individual, historical, or institutional racism. Children also experience racial trauma after hearing about or witnessing another person’s direct experiences, often referred to as secondary traumatic stress or vicarious trauma.

To help protect children from the harmful effects of racial trauma, caregivers must start talking to them about race and racism early—when children are very young and first develop a sense of racial identity (Child Trends).

Additional Resources

Beyond discussing police brutality, violence, and protests, here are a few resources to facilitate healthy conversations on race and equity.

• Family Guide to Discussing Race and Equity with Young Children
• Discussing Racism with White Children
• Children’s Books on Race and Equity
• Encouraging Positive Racial Identity in Young Children

Most literature on racism for young children focuses on teaching white children how not to be racist. Whereas, there are fewer resources on how to teach Black parents and caregivers can instill positive racial identity in their children. Racially socializing young Black children has a profound impact on their friendships, education, and future outcomes (Embrace Race).

The American Psychological Association notes that “Research shows that talking to children about race and engaging in related activities when children are young improves academic performance, racial pride, and other outcomes. Therefore, it is never too early to engage in direct and indirect communication about race and ethnicity.”

Resources for Developing Positive Racial Identity

• Read children’s books on racial identity development from Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh.
• Utilize ideas from PBS for activities that help children learn about and develop racial identity.
• View resources from RESilience for uplifting youth through healthy communication about race.
• Read the story of one Pittsburgh mother as she instilled positive racial identity in her child, via Kidsburgh.
• View a guide for activities from the American Psychological Association to engage children at each age in learning about race and culture.
• Encourage educators who interact with your child to learn about how they can support your child’s identity within the classroom.

About the P.R.I.D.E Program

The P.R.I.D.E. program fosters positive racial identity in Black children aged 3 to 8 in Pittsburgh through interactive educator training, parent classes, arts festivals, and community engagement. In addition, the P.R.I.D.E. website features several resources for parents of young children, including a podcast and parent support group.

More Resources

In addition to the resources provided by local organizations, here are a few Trying Together resources that focus on race and equity.

• Family Guide to Discussing Race and Equity with Young Children
• Discussing Racism with White Children
• Children’s Books on Race and Equity
• Encouraging Positive Racial Identity in Young Children

As caregivers, we have a responsibility to ensure each child, family, and caregiver is safe from racism and discrimination and has equitable opportunities to thrive. In addition to utilizing books and activities, it is important that parents and caregivers have open and honest conversations about race. According to the American Psychological Association, there are a number of reasons why parents should engage children in open and honest discussions about race:

• Children’s ideas about their own race and others’ races begin forming in early childhood.
• Children learn about racial and ethnic identity from their environments.
• For young children, parents and family members are the primary sources for learning about race and ethnicity.
• Children learn about race and ethnicity through direct messages, such as conversations about race, and through indirect messages, such as the images they see around them.
• Children are learning about race and ethnicity whether they talk about them or not. Even choosing not to directly discuss race communicates your values and beliefs.

Below is a compilation of resource lists on raising anti-racist children. Please note that this list is not exhaustive, and anti-racism work is something that has to be attended to in an ongoing way.

Resources

• How to raise anti-racist kids: 20 resources for parents, Motherly
• A Parent’s Guide To Addressing Race And Racism With Kids, Huffpost
• Race and Equity Resource List, Pennsylvania Department of Human Services
• Talking to Kids About Racism and Justice: a list for parents, caregivers & educators, Oakland Library
• How to Talk to Your Children About Race, Huffpost
• Talking to Children Authentically about Race and Racism, PBS Kids
• How to talk to your child about race (ages 5 to 8), BabyCenter
• Raising Race Conscious Children
• Teaching Young Children about Race: A Guide for Parents and Teachers, Teaching for Change
• 4 Easy, Everyday Ways To Teach Your Kids About Representation, Huffpost

Additional Activities

• Coming Together is Sesame Workshop’s commitment to racial justice. It combines developmentally appropriate videos and activities to teach young children how to be an upstander to racism.
• View a video from Child Mind Institute on talking to children about racism.

Discussing race and equity with young children can be challenging. However, as caregivers, we have a responsibility to ensure each child is safe from racism and discrimination and has equitable opportunities to thrive. Note that this resource is not exhaustive. Anti-racism work is something that has to be attended to in an ongoing way. Download this information as a PDF in English and Spanish.

Discussing Race and Equity and Racial Bias at Each Age

Infants

As early as six months, a baby’s brain can notice race-based differences.

Toddlers

By ages two to four, children can internalize racial bias. Multiple studies document the ways that young children take notice of racial differences and note that as early as pre-kindergarten, children may begin excluding their peers of different races from play and other activities (Winkler 2009).

At this age, your child may begin to notice and point out differences in the people around you (i.e., at the grocery store, at the park, etc.). If your child asks about someone’s skin tone, you might say, “Isn’t it wonderful that we are all so different!” You can even hold your arm against theirs to show the differences in skin tones in your family.

Parents and caregivers can cultivate compassion and tolerance in their children. Parents can also expose their children to different cultures through the foods they eat, the movies they watch, and the languages they speak at home. A child’s classroom can also support a multicultural curriculum.

Young Children

In pre-k or early elementary school, parents and caregivers can encourage children to discuss their feelings when they feel something is unfair. This can be the basis for a conversation on justice. Additionally, caregivers should avoid downplaying information that children may absorb from their surroundings. If a child feel unsafe from what they are hearing in the news, tell them that you love them and that adults are working to keep them safe.

This is the age at which it is important to have open talks with your child about race, diversity, and racism. Discussing these topics will help your child see you as a trusted source of information on the topic, and that your child can come to you with any questions. Point out stereotypes and racial bias in media and books such as villains or “bad guys” in movies.

If your child makes comments or asks you questions about race based on school incidents or something they read or watched, further the discussion with questions such as, “How do you feel about that?” and “Why do you think that?” This is also helpful if your child hears something insensitive or if your child experiences racial bias. Before responding to their statement or question, figure out where it came from and what it means from their perspective.

Adolescents

By age 12, many children become set in their beliefs—giving parents a decade to start the ongoing process of understanding cultural differences and diversity. In later elementary school or middle school, parents and caregivers can ask questions about what their peers are talking about at school or what they are reading online.  Address any feelings they may have about family members who may say racist things, using neutral language such as, “We love Grandma, and we think differently from her. She’s come to her conclusions, but we’ve come to different ones.”

Strategies to Help Children Understand and Cope with Racial Bias

• Confront your own bias and model how you want your children to respond to others who may be different from them. Plan for a marathon, not a sprint. It’s okay to say, “I’m not sure” or “Let’s come back to that later, okay?” But then do come back to it. Make race talks with your child routine. Race is a topic you should plan to revisit again and again in many different ways over time.
• Talk to your children and acknowledge that racial differences and biases exist. It may feel natural to “shush” your child if they bring up or ask about race, but try to answer their questions honestly instead. You can also ask your own questions back to them, such as “What do you think? Why do you think that?”
• Make a rule that it’s not acceptable to tease or reject someone based on identity. If teasing occurs, try to find out what underlies the behavior. If the conflict is really about another issue, help your child recognize and resolve that issue. If the reason is discomfort with differences, plan activities to try to overcome that.
• Make a family commitment to being anti-racist to model positive behavior for your children. Download a printable document titled “Our Family’s Commitment to Being Anti-Racist” from PBS Kids (bit.ly/pbs-anti-racism) and complete the worksheet with your family.
• Oftentimes families will teach their children “not to see color”, but babies as young as six months old already show recognition of different skin tones. Parents and caregivers should acknowledge that differences exist and have open and honest conversations about race. One reason why parents discourage their children from seeing color is that they’re uneasy about talking about racial bias themselves. Don’t worry if you don’t have all the answers. No one does. Also, “Let’s learn about that together!” is always a great response. (HuffPost)
• When a child experiences prejudice, grown-ups need to both address the feelings and fight the prejudices. Be honest with your child, in age-appropriate ways, about bigotry and oppression. Children are amazing at noticing patterns, including racial patterns (who lives in their neighborhood versus their friends’ neighborhoods, for example). Help them make sense of those patterns, and recognize that bigotry and oppression are sometimes a big part of those explanations.

National Resources

• Black Lives Matter
• Color of Change
• Embrace Race
• PBS Kids – Talking to Young Children About Race and Racism
• Stop AAPI Hate
• Yale University – African American History: From Emancipation to the Present

Local Resources

• All In Pittsburgh
• Positive Racial Identity Development in Early Education (P.R.I.D.E)
• Urban League of Greater Pittsburgh
• YWCA Greater Pittsburgh’s Center for Race & Gender Equity

Learn More

Additional resources and information can be found on the Trying Together website at www.tryingtogether.org/parenting-resources/